The Everything Parent's Guide to Children and Divorce,9781593374181

The Everything Parent's Guide to Children and Divorce

by
ISBN13: 9781593374181
ISBN10: 1593374186
Format: Paperback
Pub. Date: 2005-12-30
Publisher(s): Everything
List Price: $21.60

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Summary

For parents, the hardest part of divorce is how it affects the kids. How do you explain to your child the reasons for choosing to divorce your spouse? How do you avoid creating feelings of guilt or blame, and let them know they are not responsible for the decision? The Everything Parent's Guide to Children and Divorce, written by expert author, psychologist, and child of divorce Carl E. Pickhardt, Ph.D., provides you with the support you need to prepare your children for this adjustment. This insightful handbook advises you on: Communicating openly about divorce, Supporting your child emotionally, Running a single-parent family, Anticipating problem behaviors, Helping your child feel comfortable at school and with friends, Preventing your child from "acting out".

Author Biography

An Adams Media author.

Table of Contents

Introduction xi
How Marriage Ends Is How Divorce Begins
1(18)
Common Ways Marriages Fail
1(2)
Making a Working Marriage
3(3)
How Marriage Can Fall Apart
6(5)
How Divorce Decisions Vary
11(4)
Premature Divorce
15(2)
Constructing a Working Divorce
17(2)
Divorce Is Family Change
19(10)
The Nature of Change
19(2)
The Challenge of Change: Managing Transition
21(2)
Letting Go
23(3)
Moving On
26(3)
Clarifying the Demands of Change
29(18)
Divorce Is Not a Single Change
29(3)
Recognizing Two Kinds of Change
32(3)
Specifying Changes with Your Child
35(2)
Helping Children Cope with Pain
37(7)
Helping Children Gain Resilience
44(3)
The Process of Divorce
47(12)
Accepting Divorce
47(1)
A Highly Contested Divorce
48(3)
Divorce Role and Recovery
51(2)
The Breakup of a ``Good'' Marriage
53(2)
What Works in a Working Divorce
55(4)
Getting Communication in Working Order
59(18)
Sharing the Data
59(4)
Speaking Up
63(3)
The Perils of Shutting Up
66(2)
Breaking the News about Divorce
68(4)
The Child's Emotional Response
72(5)
Childhood and Divorce
77(14)
The Child's Age Matters
77(2)
Coping with the Fears Created by Loss
79(4)
Signs of Trouble
83(3)
``I Hate You!''
86(2)
Suicidal Statements
88(3)
Adolescence and Divorce
91(14)
A New Challenge
91(1)
How to Tell When Adolescence Has Begun
92(2)
Adolescence Defined
94(5)
How Divorce Affects Adolescence
99(2)
Holding the Adolescent Responsible for Behavior
101(4)
Divorce and Stages of Adolescence
105(16)
Four Stages of Adolescence
105(1)
Early Adolescence
106(5)
Mid Adolescence
111(3)
Late Adolescence
114(3)
Trial Independence
117(4)
The Only Child and Divorce
121(10)
The Two-Parent/Only-Child Family
121(2)
When the Parental Marriage Splits Apart
123(3)
Discomfort with Conflict
126(1)
Keep the Child out of Parental Conflict
127(1)
Avoid Making It Worse
128(1)
Parental Guilt
129(2)
Establishing the Single-Parent Family
131(12)
Detaching from the Ex-Spouse
131(2)
Separation, Not Rejection
133(2)
Creating Stakeholders in the New Family
135(2)
Coping with Sibling Conflict
137(3)
Managing Television
140(3)
Establishing Discipline
143(14)
How Divorce Changes Discipline
143(2)
Inconsistency of Rules and Values
145(1)
The Power of the Positive
146(4)
Teaching Two-Step Thinking
150(2)
Establishing Authority
152(5)
Strategies for Discipline
157(10)
The Principle of Consent
157(2)
Guidance: Good Parents Don't Shut Up
159(1)
Supervision: Good Parents Don't Give Up
160(3)
Structure: Good Parents Don't Back Off
163(2)
Exchange Points: Good Parents Don't Do All the Giving
165(2)
Stress and the Single Parent
167(14)
Understanding Stress
167(4)
Moderating Start-Up Demands
171(3)
Limiting Stress
174(2)
The Importance of Self-Maintenance
176(2)
Maintenance and Change
178(1)
Change at the Expense of Maintenance Means Stress
179(2)
The Importance of Support
181(12)
Don't Go It Alone
181(3)
Self-Respect for the Single-Parent Role
184(3)
Support from Friends
187(1)
The Costs of Giving Support
188(2)
Support from Children
190(1)
Keeping Emotional Support Within Healthy Limits
191(2)
Managing Education
193(16)
Keeping Performance in Perspective
193(3)
Keeping Family Safe for Learning
196(3)
Social Cruelty at School
199(5)
The Early Adolescent Achievement Drop
204(2)
The Solution to the Achievement Drop
206(3)
Sex-Role Influence of the Single Parent
209(10)
Origin of the Parent/Child Relationship
209(2)
Early Influence of Parents
211(1)
Early Influence of Peers
212(1)
Sex-Role Expansion of the Single Parent Role
213(2)
The Problem of the Absent Father
215(4)
Sex-Role Influence Traps to Beware
219(14)
Simple Psychology of Sex-Role Influence
219(3)
Mother and Daughter: Similarity Versus Separation
222(3)
Mother and Son: Distinction Versus Closeness
225(2)
Father and Son: Acceptance Versus Comparison
227(2)
Father and Daughter: Devaluing Versus Affirmation
229(4)
Relationship with One's Ex-Spouse
233(16)
Communicating Effectively
233(2)
Positively Sticking to Specifics
235(1)
Treating Your Ex-Spouse as an Ally
236(1)
Subscribing to the ``Articles of Consideration''
237(1)
Four Categories of Differences
238(2)
Managing Differences
240(3)
Resentment of the ``Good Time'' Parent
243(2)
Taking Hard Stands with the Ex-Spouse
245(4)
Two-Household Family Living
249(12)
Visitation Adjustments for the Child
249(4)
Visitation Adjustments for the Single Parent
253(2)
When Your Child Acts Like Your Ex
255(2)
Adolescence---the Enemy of Visitation
257(4)
Giving Marriage Another Try
261(20)
Dating and the Children
261(2)
Handling an Ex-Spouse's New Relationship
263(2)
Role Conflict in Being a Single Parent
265(3)
Stepfamily Adjustments
268(4)
Common Stepfamily Tensions and Conflicts
272(3)
Helping Step Relationships Work
275(2)
Do's and Don'ts for Stepfamilies
277(4)
Appendix A Helpful Web Sites 281(1)
Appendix B Further Reading 282(1)
Appendix C Helpful Support Groups 283(1)
Index 284

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