| Introduction |
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xi | |
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How Marriage Ends Is How Divorce Begins |
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1 | (18) |
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Common Ways Marriages Fail |
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1 | (2) |
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Making a Working Marriage |
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3 | (3) |
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How Marriage Can Fall Apart |
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6 | (5) |
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How Divorce Decisions Vary |
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11 | (4) |
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15 | (2) |
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Constructing a Working Divorce |
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17 | (2) |
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19 | (10) |
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19 | (2) |
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The Challenge of Change: Managing Transition |
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21 | (2) |
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23 | (3) |
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26 | (3) |
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Clarifying the Demands of Change |
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29 | (18) |
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Divorce Is Not a Single Change |
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29 | (3) |
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Recognizing Two Kinds of Change |
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32 | (3) |
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Specifying Changes with Your Child |
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35 | (2) |
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Helping Children Cope with Pain |
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37 | (7) |
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Helping Children Gain Resilience |
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44 | (3) |
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47 | (12) |
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47 | (1) |
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A Highly Contested Divorce |
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48 | (3) |
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Divorce Role and Recovery |
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51 | (2) |
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The Breakup of a ``Good'' Marriage |
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53 | (2) |
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What Works in a Working Divorce |
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55 | (4) |
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Getting Communication in Working Order |
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59 | (18) |
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59 | (4) |
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63 | (3) |
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The Perils of Shutting Up |
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66 | (2) |
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Breaking the News about Divorce |
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68 | (4) |
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The Child's Emotional Response |
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72 | (5) |
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77 | (14) |
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77 | (2) |
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Coping with the Fears Created by Loss |
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79 | (4) |
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83 | (3) |
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86 | (2) |
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88 | (3) |
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91 | (14) |
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91 | (1) |
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How to Tell When Adolescence Has Begun |
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92 | (2) |
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94 | (5) |
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How Divorce Affects Adolescence |
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99 | (2) |
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Holding the Adolescent Responsible for Behavior |
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101 | (4) |
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Divorce and Stages of Adolescence |
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105 | (16) |
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Four Stages of Adolescence |
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105 | (1) |
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106 | (5) |
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111 | (3) |
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114 | (3) |
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117 | (4) |
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The Only Child and Divorce |
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121 | (10) |
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The Two-Parent/Only-Child Family |
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121 | (2) |
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When the Parental Marriage Splits Apart |
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123 | (3) |
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126 | (1) |
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Keep the Child out of Parental Conflict |
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127 | (1) |
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128 | (1) |
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129 | (2) |
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Establishing the Single-Parent Family |
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131 | (12) |
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Detaching from the Ex-Spouse |
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131 | (2) |
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Separation, Not Rejection |
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133 | (2) |
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Creating Stakeholders in the New Family |
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135 | (2) |
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Coping with Sibling Conflict |
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137 | (3) |
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140 | (3) |
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143 | (14) |
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How Divorce Changes Discipline |
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143 | (2) |
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Inconsistency of Rules and Values |
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145 | (1) |
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The Power of the Positive |
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146 | (4) |
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Teaching Two-Step Thinking |
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150 | (2) |
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152 | (5) |
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Strategies for Discipline |
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157 | (10) |
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157 | (2) |
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Guidance: Good Parents Don't Shut Up |
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159 | (1) |
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Supervision: Good Parents Don't Give Up |
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160 | (3) |
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Structure: Good Parents Don't Back Off |
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163 | (2) |
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Exchange Points: Good Parents Don't Do All the Giving |
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165 | (2) |
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Stress and the Single Parent |
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167 | (14) |
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167 | (4) |
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Moderating Start-Up Demands |
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171 | (3) |
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174 | (2) |
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The Importance of Self-Maintenance |
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176 | (2) |
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178 | (1) |
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Change at the Expense of Maintenance Means Stress |
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179 | (2) |
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The Importance of Support |
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181 | (12) |
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181 | (3) |
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Self-Respect for the Single-Parent Role |
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184 | (3) |
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187 | (1) |
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The Costs of Giving Support |
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188 | (2) |
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190 | (1) |
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Keeping Emotional Support Within Healthy Limits |
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191 | (2) |
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193 | (16) |
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Keeping Performance in Perspective |
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193 | (3) |
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Keeping Family Safe for Learning |
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196 | (3) |
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199 | (5) |
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The Early Adolescent Achievement Drop |
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204 | (2) |
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The Solution to the Achievement Drop |
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206 | (3) |
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Sex-Role Influence of the Single Parent |
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209 | (10) |
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Origin of the Parent/Child Relationship |
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209 | (2) |
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Early Influence of Parents |
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211 | (1) |
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212 | (1) |
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Sex-Role Expansion of the Single Parent Role |
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213 | (2) |
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The Problem of the Absent Father |
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215 | (4) |
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Sex-Role Influence Traps to Beware |
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219 | (14) |
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Simple Psychology of Sex-Role Influence |
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219 | (3) |
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Mother and Daughter: Similarity Versus Separation |
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222 | (3) |
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Mother and Son: Distinction Versus Closeness |
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225 | (2) |
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Father and Son: Acceptance Versus Comparison |
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227 | (2) |
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Father and Daughter: Devaluing Versus Affirmation |
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229 | (4) |
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Relationship with One's Ex-Spouse |
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233 | (16) |
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Communicating Effectively |
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233 | (2) |
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Positively Sticking to Specifics |
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235 | (1) |
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Treating Your Ex-Spouse as an Ally |
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236 | (1) |
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Subscribing to the ``Articles of Consideration'' |
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237 | (1) |
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Four Categories of Differences |
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238 | (2) |
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240 | (3) |
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Resentment of the ``Good Time'' Parent |
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243 | (2) |
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Taking Hard Stands with the Ex-Spouse |
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245 | (4) |
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Two-Household Family Living |
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249 | (12) |
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Visitation Adjustments for the Child |
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249 | (4) |
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Visitation Adjustments for the Single Parent |
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253 | (2) |
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When Your Child Acts Like Your Ex |
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255 | (2) |
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Adolescence---the Enemy of Visitation |
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257 | (4) |
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Giving Marriage Another Try |
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261 | (20) |
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261 | (2) |
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Handling an Ex-Spouse's New Relationship |
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263 | (2) |
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Role Conflict in Being a Single Parent |
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265 | (3) |
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268 | (4) |
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Common Stepfamily Tensions and Conflicts |
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272 | (3) |
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Helping Step Relationships Work |
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275 | (2) |
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Do's and Don'ts for Stepfamilies |
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277 | (4) |
| Appendix A Helpful Web Sites |
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281 | (1) |
| Appendix B Further Reading |
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282 | (1) |
| Appendix C Helpful Support Groups |
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283 | (1) |
| Index |
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284 | |